I don't particularly like horror movies and I'm definitely not a fan of slasher flicks; In fact, I'm generally turned off by on-screen gore. And yet...I love zombie films.

Just to clarify, when I say I love the idea of the dead rising and pawing at my windows en masse, I mean I fantasize about it, the way that well-adjusted children look forward to Santa Clause dropping down their chimneys.

What's wrong with me? With us; the lovers of this genre? Where does the fantasy stem from?

This was a question that Max Brooks, the author of The Zombie Survival Guide, should have asked himself before setting out to write his book. This guidebook is a dead-pan overview of what the average citizen can do to increase the odds of their survival in a low-level zombie outbreak.

There is a section on weaponry, which includes a chapter on "Bludgeons," a section on terrain types and even one titled "Living in an Undead World" which describes life after a 'class 4' outbreak; a doomsday scenario, in which humanity is driven to the brink of extinction.

Actually, I hadn't put me finger on why I loved this genre so much until I read The Zombie Survival Guide with utter disinterest. Strangely, it was the book I had been waiting for, one I wish I had written, and yet it could hardly keep my attention.

On the dust jacket, the author posted a list labeled "Top 10 lessons for surviving a zombie attack." And his grand error can be summed up by the first item on the list: "1. Organize before they rise."

Much of the book is about planning. Stocking up your supplies. Mapping your escape routes like a high school fire drill. And making sure that your Shaolin Spade, Katana Sword and Trench Spike are "combat-ready replicas." Insuring that your anti-zombie team has enough flares, batteries and bedrolls. Etc.

Zzzzzzzz.....

The reason that we love zombie movies is because there you are...in your driveway one sunny afternoon washing your car, humming "It's a beautiful day" when you notice off in the distance, in the cul-de-sac, the neighborhood kids are congregating, tugging at something. Pulling apart what appears to be a...[you squint]...a body!?! One turns towards you; and makes eye contact with empty sockets. Your adrenal glands erupt. You instinctively drop the sponge, back slowly into the house and turn the bolt.

Without a moment's notice you're set into motion; you must react. You must make due with what's at arm's length; unconsciously taking hold of a sturdy fire poker as you pull back the curtains. You are utterly unprepared. You must think quickly. Stay calm.

Nothing would be less entertaining than a zombie flick produced by Max Brooks, in which the citizens all carried Katana swords on their belts and having drilled regularly for just such an occasion, systematically cut down zombie like it was some type of routine yard work.